the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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