Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
