Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
