People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
