In the future we'll all be gay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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