But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize