the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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