Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
