theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
