New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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