His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize