I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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