I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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