Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
