she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
