im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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