In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
