I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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