I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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