Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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