Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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