Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
