I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
