You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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