I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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