yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
