Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
