I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
