you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
