There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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