oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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