how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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