I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
