It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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