Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
