Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
