I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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