just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
