Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
