It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I deserve this hangover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
