I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
third nipple confirmed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
