She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
