my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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