your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
