so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
