I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
