He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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