He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
