Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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