is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
