my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
