Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
