Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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