he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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