Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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