she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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